HERPADERP

Anonymous said: Can a soon to be 16 year old and a 20 year old work out?

wodkat:

croutoncat:

possibly 

I work out with my dad all the time and he’s 60

Crunches, motherfucker. Crunches.

Anonymous said: my boyfriend shaved his beautiful golden hair and i dont rly like him anymore help how do i love him again

beyoncebeytwice:

k1mkardashian:

beyoncebeytwice:

put him in a wig

find the hair and glue it back to his head while he’s sleeping 

this too

Don’t be such a vain, pretentious, bitch. Actually, dump his ass. He can do better than you. Easily.

oh my god my dad just went out to walk the dog and he must have got halfway down the street and then he just came back and I was like “what’s the matter” and he just said really quietly “i forgot the dog” and my dog was just siTTING BY THE DOORSTEP WITH HIS LEASH ON LOOKING REALLY SAD

(via orgasmic-humor)

geekstep:

niggercakes:

hungarian:

say “oh my god look at the blood on her pants” in a crowded hall & the girls who turn around are the ones on their period

alright satan lets take it down a notch sweetie

Says tumblr user niggercakes

(via orgasmic-humor)

What about those of us who are going to be fathers, but the woman we love and is pregnant with our child left us without even saying goodbye?

Well, I was about to say something about how that’s homophobic. But we have warnings for straight sex scenes already, so…

Well, I was about to say something about how that’s homophobic. But we have warnings for straight sex scenes already, so…

(Source: amazon.com, via leasthelpful)

hellapugs:

when shots are fired but you have a good comeback


"You suck.""No, YOU suck.""If I wanted my own comeback, I’d wipe it off your mom’s chin."

hellapugs:

when shots are fired but you have a good comeback

"You suck."
"No, YOU suck."
"If I wanted my own comeback, I’d wipe it off your mom’s chin."

(via orgasmic-humor)

New LT

New platoon leader showed up. Calls a formation.
“Aw fuck,” runs through everyone’s minds.
LT says, “I’ve got some ideas for the platoon.”

Thought Chorus: “AW FUCK.”

Pacing LT: “I was raised by my father. A retired Command Sergeant Major.”

"Aw… fuck?"

LT: “He raised me right. So I’m going to sit back, do a shit load of paperwork and get us the supplies that SFC said we need. Then I’m going to watch SFC like a goddamn hawk for the next month before trying to tell any of you what to do on the job.”

"AW FUCK! WE GOT A SMART ONE!"

And that’s how our LT managed to not catch any shit from anyone the whole damn time.

catholicnun:

lesterbangs73:

i made soy milk ^_^

I dont think that’s how it’s made

You have to milk the soy titties.

(via orgasmic-humor)

noochums:

carryonmy-assbutt:

lolfunnow:

My brother and his wife got in a fight last night. She apparently used his phone as a ninja star.

how hard did she throw that

This should be an otter box ad


That’s a Nokia. Nowonder.

noochums:

carryonmy-assbutt:

lolfunnow:

My brother and his wife got in a fight last night. She apparently used his phone as a ninja star.

how hard did she throw that

This should be an otter box ad

That’s a Nokia. Nowonder.

(via orgasmic-humor)

thissstuff:

Now, videogames haven’t made me violent, buy they have made me feel like I’m supposed to pick this up.


Without the starter weapon, your chances of getting far enough to get that shitty basic pistol are slim to none, chief.

thissstuff:

Now, videogames haven’t made me violent, buy they have made me feel like I’m supposed to pick this up.

Without the starter weapon, your chances of getting far enough to get that shitty basic pistol are slim to none, chief.

(via orgasmic-humor)

orgasmic-humor:

What  if when you go to sleep, you’re not actually sleeping, you’re waking up…

think about it.

Fuck.